?????????????

please excuse me but I have to ask..

all  my life is so bad but I  try so hard.

because you never respond.. 

and it feels the end the end the end....

I have to be in the end and you know that...

The  more i try to erase you, the more I die...

love you for ever.......

Mentally Blind

7 months has gone by... yeah thats fast and I still dont believe it, that you are not here in this life with us...

Excuse me for writing those words before, is just that Im so angry for not seeing you or talk to you anymore and I've been geting a lot of pressure from everybody(you know those ones who never call me or even email me) about me going to Mexico... 

I wont go. 

at least not right now, is not my time...

someone told me that I asimilate more your death than anybody else...Bull fucking shit... 

how do they know? 

they haven't see me or even call me, what is that say to you? 

thats what I thought!!!!

the fact that Im here in the middle of everything with nobody next to me is killing me... cause you you used to be next to me all the time.

should I make everyone to see or hear my pain? or should I just stop doing what I love to do? so everybody can see how bad I have been or should I quit to everything and everybody?

I wont denied that I've been sad and MENTALLY BLIND...

time is a thing we must accept

the unexpected. 

thats why ..

I know there is a way to avoid the pain that we must go thru

to find the other half that is 

YOU..

destiny is what we all see.

destiny was waiting for you and me.

cause I still METALLY BLIND.

competition??????

parece ser o parece estar una gran competencia de a ver a quien le duele mas la muerte de mi hermano (dejenme decirles algo...)  senores y senoras nadie  pero absolutamente nadie puede comparar el dolor que yo he sufrido y sufro por la muerte de mi HERMANITO Gustavo Mishel Palomares Reyes.

que? algunos no sabian su nombre completo?

o que solo por tavo?

que creen... hay mas historia, mas alla!!!!!

he sido juzgado como lo he mencionado antes y me seguiran jusgando... pero 

ME VALE PITO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

que les recuerda algo???

ha habido envidias, y han estado ahi todo el tiempo...

simplemente tavito mi hermana yo Y mis papas lo sabemos y nunca nos a afectado ni interesado..

EXCUSE MY FRENCH!!!!!

hay pendejos y pendejas que piensan o creen ( que es lo peor) que conocieron a mi hermanito...

NO NO NO

MIshel era dedicado carinoso cabron capaz y seguro de si mismo y sus creencias!!! por eso llego a donde llego!

Huevos a todos aquellos que creen conocernos que aprovechan una peda gratis y se desaparecen 3 anios despues llorando por la muerte de mi hermano.

por que?????

nunca lo conocieron o quisieron conocerlo....

no Importa anymore....

no pude verte en tus ultimos dias en esta vida. pero tu no querias que te viera haci, tu sabiendo lo que  he estado buscando...

disculpame si soy egoista, pero cuando deje mexico y uds dije en voz alta que pase lo que pase todo mundo vamos a estar bien

Lo que me enputa es que Mama Y Papa escuchan pendejadas de otras fuentes y andan preocupados por mi y yo de ellos....

pero en fin...

manana van 7 meses de tu muerte.

perdoname hermanito de decir eso. es que  en esta vida moriste en cuerpo pero no en alma..

me resulta dificil todo esto ya que hay un espacio y vacio en mi esperando tu reaccion de mi cuando me ves, como siempre me veias...

he llorado mucho y lo sabes como nunca lo he hecho..

el ser humano basa su vida en fe....  lo que sea pero siempre hay que creer en algo!!!!!!!

yo solo creo en ti.

y estoy seguro que volvere a abrazarte. como lo hize la ultima ves en NYC y en mi sueno..

hay tanto que quiero contarte... te extrano diario... 

no lo creo...

a veces sigo pensando que estas vivo esperando mi llamada!!!!

por favor contesta!!!!!!!

I.ve spoke to soon...

morning is my friend again

a memory about our plans 

I'm hanging on the fire place

a picture frame and a happy face

smiling for the camera

like a cover girl 

who never make's it in a magazine

dacing like the solid soil

all raniny days and falling reems

I have our diary above the fresh

congrats the smell 

like spring time 

in the 

afternoon, 

I've spoke to soon.

no time to say goodbye  I'm sorry

no time to felt it other feels

no time I'm always in the hurry

but thats not me

Morning is my friend again

i promise kept what I begin

my journey thru the endlees space

a broken heart and bad mistakes

that I've never ment to make

until I made them

strong, alone in the sidewalk  show

the life most go beyond mistaken

everything for granted take in 

everything for granted take in...

that is nothing left 

todaaaaaaay....

no time to say goodbye I'm sorry

no time to felt it other feels

no time I'm always in the hurry

but that's not me

that's not me....

here!!!!!

we are......

will be........

Transitions

Wow a fucking transition is the worse in everybodys path....

some survive other don't

for the first time in my life I felt that I wouldn't survive it.... So far so good  I've seen a lot of people, collegues, friends, family, etc.. not surviving the TRANSITION.

But whats a transition?

Is a change. A change from one side of your life to a new one or a shity one. 

normally people dont survive cause they get scared and they go back to the path that they already have seen and know..... thinking they so sure, cause they take the same path again and dont sacrifice nada.. (it works for just a few)

have you ever felt that everything goes against you? 

enjoy it.... 

cause thats when you have to do something, or it will do it for you and you might don't like it.... 

patience.......

I miss you hermanito very much......  you have no idea how much I need you!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Thoughts 2

Well what can I say about the SHOOTING GALLERY experience...

It was not the right choice... it was not for me and it never will.... good experiences though...lots of laughts and smiles, endleess nights or partys whatever you want to call them...

I learn oh  yeah , I did learn  something ja ja ja......

My life is in a weird position right now , don't know what to do anymore , sometimes crying feelings crawl my body , specially my eyes....

I use to have a guide in certain way , I didn't know that was my guide , until now , that is not there anymore..

U always answer your phone no matter what time , you knew it was me  , when panic and chaos rule... 

MX CITY 3:00am tuesday december 2007

ring ring...

ring ring.....

TP-bueno

OP-yooooo

TP-he he he  estas bien???

OP:mmmm no se k

TP:vas bien guey 

OP:los extrano un chingo a veces guey  y sabes que. me da miedo que nunca los vuelva a ver....

TP:ha ha ha no digas eso guey tu sabes que nos vamos a ver pronto y aparte recuerda lo que digiste cuando te fuiste.. pase lo que pase vamos a estar bien y seguir con lo que buscamos.

OP: si pero es que siento que ya no los voy a volver a ver ... no se por que  pero eso es lo que siento ......

TP:siempre fuiste bien perspectivo y siempre has sabido cosas antes de verlas y los 4 sabemos eso de ti....

vas bien guey nada mas no te caigas. voy para aya en tu cumple esperabamos verte en navidad pero sabemos que no puedes.. te quiero mucho y no este triston que tu mismo me dices YOU HAVE TO PAY TO PLAY siempre dices eso y es cierto pero aqui estamos Adecito.

OP: te marco al rato deja dormir, perdon por despertarte he he he 

TP: no te preocupes AD aqui estoy...... un beso 

click........

I guess I have to tell you how much I miss you and your voice thru the phone at late hours at night... he he he I wish you could call me wherever you are and whenever u want...

Right know is a time of change and I need to make a move ,  a big one, u used to be there in the phone with me when major changes happen in my life  ha ha ha  right now is happening already so fast that I can't control it , don't know where is going to end.

Im thinking....

where?

why?

how?

when?

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............

the pressure of survival in the big city will make you loose sight of your dream......

hang in there.......

O.P.

Tu y El

Estoy muy orgulloso de ti, y me han ensenado el y tu en estos 7 anos de mi partida no espacial pero si especial algo que no conocia de ti y de el, pero que siempre estuvo ahi.. curiosidad y aprendisaje y despues copartimiento es mi alma que conoces, no mi cuerpo que estremece, cuando ves algo de mi, tan profundo como un pulgar de mano santa no creyente pero con fe y persevariancia, animo y agallas, tan libre como el halcon, tan mistico como el tiburon y tan poderoso como el polen...

de nuestras venas recita mucho apredisaje y clavadez en algun contexto, ese largo apredisaje es el alma de nuestros cuerpos...

El siempre fue especial el lo sabe y lo entiende, su mision termino y nuestros caminos ando, no es us culpa haber terminado primero como simpre lo logro. pero fue conciente de sus hechos y viviente cada momento, sin la geografia que no entendia pero su corazon y energia andaba donde queria, sin embargo el sabia la mision de cada dia....

un amigo, un hijo, un hermano y sobre todo un verdadero ser humano, en esta vida de blasfemia el supo manejar su condena, y al final el lo logro, su mision el termino, dejando ensenanasas y un legado que jamas el imajino.

creemos que esta con nosotros y sabemos que lo esta..algun dia nos encontraremos una ves mas para una nueva mision...

Haces falta y siempre lo haras....me pregunto si me podrias ensenar el ser valiente como tu....

O.P.

3.2

you know something dude..... it amaze me how much MOM, DAD, NENA and MYSELF can feel you.  I was reading your blog and I was laughing for quite a bit ha ha ha you are so funny and very generous like  always.. I always told you you are a great writer.. and I did mean it.. I read before some stuff of  diferent journalist (they call themselfs like that but you cant' teach imagination and interpretacion) and I always mention to you that you are way better writer, anyway you were not a writer but you wrote things and moments like if you were one  ha ha ha ha, I remember last time you came to ny, you were telling me all the funny things  of  manolito and I was cracking up so hard that i got a stomache he he u made  me laugh a lot and also made me angry.  sometimes  ha ha... 

did you read nena's blog? www.dulontheroad.com she definetly is mahattma. remember? 

Im surprise how she pick up things from me ha ha ha ha  just kiding... I've been thinking how much shit did I miss in your life!!!! 

I talked to nena and she made me realize that I did'nt miss anything of your life, or you from mine, (she doesn't know that. don't tell her). I left and we always knew whats going on with the 5 of us after I left I always thought in you guys and just heard from you guys, this and that lots of stories to share, good times when I used to call you at 6 am ny time telling you the I miss you guys a lot and laughing eachother cause I was drunk and you don't and then you did the same ha ha ha lots of times and you left me lots of voicemails telling me how much you love me and miss me. 

I also realize that you saw my departure and you were at my wedding ha ha ha the 5 of us laughing so hard with all the crazy world of amish people. 

I'm sorry to say this but I would never forget when you and me sit behind DUFF'S bar inside the sugar factory at 5 am looking manhattan how awesome and powerful it looks and  it is, and the best of all is that we smoke the best fucking joint, you and me and we were laughing very hard and you said its good weed  ha ha ha ha ha I would never forget that ever.

I wanted to tell you something that nobody knows, you were the first one that induct me in METAL world he he he I still have METALLICA "and justice for all" LP at mom and dad's that you bought in elementary school. I never told you that cause I thought it would bother me until Im somebody but thats what it is it was'nt ricky or joel or ER or anybody who make listen metal. 

IT WAS YOU!!!!!!! and a lot of the stuff that you used to listen backthen, I listen to it now, Dinosaour JR Faster Pussycat, Metallica , etc.....  

we share a lot and you taught me a lot, oh  man ha ha when you got accepteed at CUAM high school and got your first drum set, and then our first band and we call it "letrina" and then the mighty "peyote".

remember when we used to steal the car and go to cuernavaca just for an ice cream... awesome times or the scape  to  huichapan.....

sometimes I feel like just going back and see for myself if its true or not......... cause we haven't talk in so long now.... I feel this empty space in my stomach and I feel like crying everyday.....

well bro you are so special and so enternal.......

when you walk towards the sun look the shadow that is behind you , it might tell you something...

shhhhhhhh.......

O.P.

TAVO ver 3.2

hay guey como me haces falta!!!!!!!!! 

cumplirias 32 en esta vida, pero eres tan especial que eres eterno...

te extrano y te quiero con toda mi alma guey te deseo lo mejor por siempre...

nos vemos hermanito.....

Priceless.....

The pressure of survival in the big city will make you loose sight of your dream.......

hang in there.....

Lets start over....

sometimes I wish I was brave, I wish I was stronger, I wish I can feel no pain.... 

I miss him a lot, Im feeling so down.

sometimes I wish I was smart, I wish I was shy, I wish I was curious for... how people are...

Im trying to be strong but everything falls down!!!!!!

I wish I have power, I wish I could change the world.... for you and me..

I wish I could be with him..I wish....soon.Im standing in line...

cause I feel so mad I feel so angry....

LETS START OVER.

THE BEAUTIFUL DOLL

yes they do exist I've seen them. in fact, I met one of them..... we talk and we connect.. 

will se what happen....

THe SHOOTING GALLERY!!!!!!

as many of ypu know I move to the shooting gallery studios bed breakfast, bar, resort, and more...... In the wonderful neighborhood of williamsburg BROOKLYN (candyland)

yes  the ultimate warrior and o p ( thats me) decide to partnership in the recording area. A lot of changes has been done and this coming tuesday would be the first project that myself would be engineering mix and produce. Hello MIdnight ( myspace.com/hellomidnightmusic.com ) @ THE SHOOTING GALLERY.

welcome to THE SHOOTING GALLERY studios...

its gonna be a fucking great season  yeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

THOUGHTS...

I left my MEXICO lindo y querido 1 morning on the 10th of may 2001. I felt reborn once that I arrive to NYC.

wow... great and worse moments, I look back and I dont see anything....  anything....

deep thoughts in mind hunt my nights and sometimes days.but theres's nothing precious than your freedoom. 

That makes me smile everyday

Im still making records thats what I love to do.

My brother always told me that i have a lot of balls to do what Im doing, (but I didn't have the balls to go a see him).. thats something that always will follow me the rest of this life. 

although I didn't want to see him dead!!!!! thats a fact!!!!!

I was judge and I'M still being judge from people that don't even know me or think they know me or my family..

anyway life keeps going and right now my thoughts are positive and I would continue my brother's legacy as a person and spirit...

I feel sorry for those who would never expierience freedom like my brother or any member of my family and I. 

yes sir there's no excuses just responsibilities ( I use to tell that to my bro all the time) he use to answer (you should listen to yourself  he he he he)

to many thoughts to many questions , not many answers

My Bro!!!!!!

he was awesome , generous, nice, funny as hell, very smart ,dedicated, very successful.

whatever... 

he is the soul of many, including mine and my family, I miss him everyday and everynight its been 3 months since he left to his journey and I still wonder if he still alive????

non sense but thats what it is...

I could'nt see him or even touch him. he knew why, and he would be so pissed at me if I dont finish why I started...

his last words to me were:

te quiero un chingo y no dejes de terminar lo que empesaste que te ha costado un chingo de trabajo.....

anyway

life's a bitch...

well well well another day in the big apple.......living la vida loca in the exitensialist neighborhood of  williamsburg brooklyn.

7 years has gone by!

1 lost so far, but the war still in progress...